I'm going to try something

Do you ever get bored of yourself?

I have really been wrestling recently with how best to put myself out there. I keep having some version of the same conversation in my head that starts logistically (what newsletter platform is the least evil? how do you record a podcast?) and then ramps up pretty quickly into the existential (what does the world need from me? why am I here on this planet?).

At that point, my brain fogs and my vision blurs and I’ve lost the thread. The questions start too small, end too big, and then I become a puddle.

It is an existential struggle about ego and legacy and mortality. It’s also not that serious. And, to be honest I’m getting bored of it. Life is certainly too short to spend drowning in this mental toilet bowl. So today, I’m trying something

Even though it freaks me out, I’ve decided to stop tripping over my fixation with the “best” way to do it, and just put myself out there. I’m dusting off this old Substack and breathing some new life into it.

I’m going to use this newsletter to get out of my own head and take up some space out there in the world. I’m trying to unclog the sink of my mind. Even if it starts as a trickle, getting unstuck is the goal. I’d love to fully transform from a muddy puddle into a rushing river – but even I can build just a bit of momentum here, I will consider it a success.

It’s time to have these crucial conversations with someone other than myself. Maybe you are also wondering what the world needs from you right now, or why you are here on this planet? Maybe we can struggle with this together.

Here’s what I am going to do here:

• keep it short (this is new for me)

• be messy (scary!!!!)

• not plan ahead (take it one post at a time)

• experiment with different mediums (audio, video, 3D rendering, dreams, earth-tones, easter eggs, textiles, recipes, card tricks, a new invention, etc.)

• post regularly (but not scheduled rigidly)

• share at least a thought and a drawing each time

I’m keeping the stakes low on purpose. I want this to be bite-sized and accessible and compelling and radical and necessary and vulnerable and inclusive and raw and relevant and, if I’m being honest, fun. I want it to feel serious and also silly – it’s Business Casual after all. Finding fun is a way forward in times of darkness.

We desperately need hope, connection and consistency when things feel broken, lonely and uncertain. So this is my offering. This is me crawling out of my shell, bringing a blanket to the park and inviting you to come sit with me.

Once I click “Send” a part of me will breathe a sigh of relief because I will have done it. I put myself out there! Look who’s not just perseverating in private anymore!

Although I’ll race to check “think in public” off my to do list for 2025 (yes, really), I know that this is not a switch I can flip and be done. Starting this is a new way of being in the world: I hereby commit to showing up and following though with this.

I hope you’ll hang out with me on the other side of this threshold, in any capacity that works for you. That’s really the point. I want to connect – to be in dialogue, find each other and chew on the mysteries of our existence together.

As adrienne maree brown says, small is all.

So here we go.